@Rachelnoise: Every time I hold a baby I have to talk my ovaries down like a hostage negotiator.
"18 to life, man. I KNOW IT SMELLS GOOD! Stay with me."
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@caseytduncan: What about a To-Don't List?
@CaniacMONK: People who say they "Like to have fun"... No shit?
@OwensDamien: In an attempt to build some exercise into my daily routine, I’ve put the biscuits on a higher shelf. Boy, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.
@CulturedRuffian: I rarely eat kale chips, but when I do-I eat them condescendingly and self-righteously.
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