@FrancescaDykes: Every time I open my mouth, some idiot starts talking.
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@brynnester: I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed "I am your Father" Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end
@amydillon: [son comes home with big lump on his forehead] ME: Oh no, what happened? 7: I fell down on the playground. ME: How did you fall? 7: Forward.