@gmossii: Every time I put on my striped socks I always have an ominous feeling that today is the day that a house will drop on me.
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@iRowlf: I'd like to return this pack of gum. They taste awful. "Sir, those are Band-Aids." Oh, I'd like to return these Band-Aids. Someone ate some.
@bobvulfov: [magic school bus] KID: where are we going today MS. FRIZZLE: the zoo KID: but last week we went to SPACE MS. FRIZZLE: im hungover, children
@TheTweetOfGod: With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible.
@evidentlyblonde: When I'm bored nobody texts me but as soon as I get busy as hell... BAM... still nobody texts me.