@gmossii: Every time I put on my striped socks I always have an ominous feeling that today is the day that a house will drop on me.
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@primawesome: Did you know there's a type of spider that eats snails and uses the shell as armor to attack birds? That's not true. I'm sorry.
@Smethanie: Baby, you're a firework: You hold my interest for about 15 minutes and scare the shit out of my dog.
@DaddyJew: Daddy can u get me a drink? "No, you're 5yo you can get your own drink" Fine *goes to fridge "While you're there can you grab me a beer?"