@mrtimlong: Every time I raise my arm a little, a falcon lands on it. It was super-cool at first, but now I'm starting to get annoyed.
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@novicefather: The gingham is holding a grudge because burlap and seersucker didn't invite corduroy to their party. Social fabric is complex.
@internetluke: [calls up friend] Remember when you said I wouldn't ever make it on TV? Well turn on the news! "Okay, but why are you calling from jail?"
@GrowlyGrego: Guns don't kill people. Cats don't sew mittens. Houses don't crap zebras. Lots of nouns don't verb other nouns. This isn't new information.