@mrtimlong: Every time I raise my arm a little, a falcon lands on it. It was super-cool at first, but now I'm starting to get annoyed.
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@JoParkerBear: Twitter: You have 87 notifications Me: Nice Gmail: You have 7 emails Me: Oh FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST
@TheAlexNevil: The past is past. What’s done is done. Mistakes were made, but that’s all water under the bridge. So, let’s call it a day. HR: No.
@bourgeoisalien: Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex.
@thepunningman: "As CEO of Tortoise Enterprises, this merger with Slug Corp is... Linda, where is everyone?" "They all called to say they're running late"