@mlkef: Every time I see a white work van, I beat the driver unconscious, and check in the back. Sooner or later I'll be a hero.
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@DumbConfessions: *sees couple holding hands* *violently breaks them apart* "Go. You're free now."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: This "violence in the workplace" seminar is only teaching us what we shouldn't do. No fighting techniques or anything.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "Welcome to the jungle" Thanks. "We've got fun and games" Cool. "You're in the jungle" We've established this "You're gonna die!" Wait what?
@mattZillaaaa: [on a 1st date] Me: I'm just looking to take things slow Her: *in a wedding dress* me too