@Oncefallen: Every time I think I've got the perfect family they escape.
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@SortaBad: [god designing humans] Angel: there was a mix-up at the factory. The intestines are way too long God: *stuffing em all in there* I got this
@DanLaMorte: “Nobody will embarrass the UFC more than Jon Jones” Conor McGregor-“Hold my beer bro”
@GingerHotDish: Not to brag, but I’m easily the hottest person in a Waffle House bathroom stall at any given moment in Georgia.
@TheMichaelRock: You think 70 degrees yesterday and snow today is funny, Mother Nature? *empties 326 cans of hairspray outside* Knock that shit off!