@Oncefallen: Every time I think I've got the perfect family they escape.
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@JustDontBugMe: Me: Another nightmare? Him: Why? M: You were yelling "Dora the Explorer help! No Swiper, no!" H: ... M: Maybe lay off the cartoons, bruh.
@UncleDuke1969: ME: Here she comes. BRAIN: Great! ME: Quick, what do I say? BRAIN: Tell her she’s like a fine wine. ME: Okay. “YOU’RE LIKE FINE WINE I’D LIKE TO PUT YOU IN A CONTAINER WITH A CORK IN YOUR MOUTH AND KEEP YOU ON A RACK IN MY CELLAR UNTIL I’M READY TO ENJOY YOU” BRAIN: Excellent.
@SaraMansford: *Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar.