@bridger_w: Every time I think I've parallel parked in a space the size of a shoebox, I get out and find it's the length of two football fields
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@djdarrellripley: Her: Did you know that there are fifteen different ways to say the word "whore" in Polish? Me: What a beautiful language...
@michaelajeffery: Watched a guy buy several single bananas at various stages of ripeness (instead of a bunch). Realized I was in the presence of genius.
@BlindChow: [performance review] boss: from now on you're getting supervision me: yes!! boss: wait, that doesn't mean– me: *already smashing my glasses*
@david8hughes: Slave1: I never knew my parents Slave2: same Moses: I was put in a basket & placed in a river Slave1: do baskets float? Moses: they do not