@bobbiejo448: Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can't help but think, "Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you."
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@priya_ebooks: currently texting 'Happy Father's Day' to all the men in my phone to freak them out
@OfficeofSteve: Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)
@RandiLawson: "Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt!" "DOCTOR PLEASE SHE IS CODING! NOW IS NOT THE TIME!"
@TheDreamGhoul: The 9th rule of fight club is no roller skates. honestly guys I don't know why we keep having to say this.
@SaltyCorpse: Do you ever go back and read your old tweets and wonder, "My God... What was I on and do I have any left?"?
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