@corinnemlwsw: Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it's an intervention.
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@eliyudin: "WITH OUR POWERS COMBINED!" "EARTH" "WIND" "WATER" "FIRE" "HEART" "SELF-LOATHING" get outta here Eli "SORRY"
@genehunter1: I always blurt out, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND" in my best Al Pacino Scarface accent when I stand next to a stranger at a urinal.
@ArfMeasures: OWNER: The museum's ready? ME: All the artichokes are in place OWNER: Ha, you mean artifacts [I slam the door shut] ME: U cannot go in there
@ClaytonSykes: Having a beard makes it easier to hatch a scheme, but it's getting harder and harder to play on a public swing set by myself.