@corinnemlwsw: Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it's an intervention.
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@NurseSeymour: Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It's called Facebook.
@highwaytohelv: I'm getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there's a bunch of unfed cats out there.
@halloweenbears: If u want to sound smart just make up coding languages. Like "yeah I know DeltaCube, 17v and Amorph," literally nobody will know theyre fake
@Breadery: There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life's face to find she has deflated in the night.