@Crunch11b: Every time I'm around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
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@faizziy: That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari..
@jergarl: *takes ambien Oh. You said NO ambien before dinner at your parents. Wife: Really? Me:*already getting naked* I'm sure it will be fine.
@Chumpstring: KID: what do geese do at night PARENT: good question GOOSE(in a surveillance van): [spits out coffee] dammit we’re running out of time
@Spaziotwat: OF COURSE IT'S A GENUINE BEETHOVEN! Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of colour.