@Crunch11b: Every time I'm around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
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@MrT1M: Most computer problems stem from the lack of a fatherboard. No? Ok, I'll show myself out.
@laurenreeves: "911, what's your emergency?" "Hi. Long time listener, first time caller." "That's really funny." "Thank you. Anyways, I'm being stabbed."
@Fred_Delicious: Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon