@TheCatWhisprer: Everybody was Feng Shui fighting, those cats improved my ambient lighting.

@jonnysun: being in a hamock is so comfortabel bc it replicates our condition before birth: being caried to earth inside the beak of a giant pelican

@SadMeterologist: -I heard this dog was chipped. -Microchipped sir. -I don't care how small the chip is, I'm not paying full price.

@RealFartShady: I don't think none of Christopher Nolan's ex girlfriends know how the hell it ended.

@CoolCamel69: *pulls out stack of pancakes and completely stuffs mouth during interview* Nexft queffstun pleeazse "Umm. Your biggest weakness?" Panfccakes