@TheDailySchmuck: Every time I'm the only black person at a party I think: "Wow. I helped them make quota."
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@n0tblonde: If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black.
@shkeeber: If a genie grants you 3 wishes, use the first one to make the genie develop short term memory loss, and then keep making 2nd wishes forever.
@AmishPornStar1: Cupcakes are for people who don't have the dedication and stamina to eat a whole cake! Losers.
@shashaintl: Me: We need to go. 11: Go without me. 7: Sometimes when parents go without their kids, they get arrested, and I can't let that happen.