@TheDailySchmuck: Every time I'm the only black person at a party I think: "Wow. I helped them make quota."
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@TEXASVETERAN: Neighbor thinks I'm stalking her. Any time she hears a noise she is purified. Petrified! Sorry, not easy reading a diary thru binoculars.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we've had to dissect frogs.
@rmfnord: "Release the Kraken!" ... "Well?" "We released him. He just took off. It's not like he was trained or anything." ... "Release the tuna!"