@MBittersweet25: Every time my Father in law gets trashed, he asks if I've lost weight... So naturally I bring a bottle of scotch every time we visit.
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@AristotlesNZ: 5yo: I dropped my damn spoon! Me: Don't be using that word! 5yo: Is it a bad word? Me: It is.. 5yo: Ok..I dropped my damn "food scooper"?
@EBenita0517: When ever a girl wears a shirt saying 'I Woke Up Like This' I resist the urge to say I'm sorry about that.
@Cpin42: I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.
@TheMichaelRock: If you're bored, go find someone under the age of 20 and explain beepers to them.