@daliamalek: Every time someone makes a typo, I look at the location of the letters on the keyboard to consider whether it's justified.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: What do you think of my tweets? Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say? Wife: You're consistent.
@ilovepie84: I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette.
@Spaziotwat: There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't