@KalvinMacleod: Every time someone tells you they are a vegan an angel eats a dog.
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@ThePocketJustin: Draw attention to your older tweets by being arrested on suspicion of multiple murders.
@garrydavenport: The "eye for an eye" philosophy isn't exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: where's your brother? OLDEST CHILD: where's another roll of duct tape? ME: *sprints to the basement*