@Maxine12339: Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
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@weinerdog4life: When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can't get over the fence
@TheToddWilliams: [Eating ribs at BBQ Joint] "Would you like a Wet-Nap?" No thanks, I had one this afternoon.
@sickipediabot: When a woman has tissues at her bedside, she has a cold. When a man has tissues at his bedside, he may have a cold.