@Maxine12339: Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
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@Reverend_Scott: Is athlete's foot [gulp] fatal, doc? "Not with the proper treatment." *gives foot $56M 7-year contract*
@BookisherBunny: When life hands you a komodo dragon suddenly the times you got lemons seem pretty cool.
@ddsmidt: A lady posted her grandmother's brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook
@Dutch_50: Co-worker insists on talking with his mouth full. No one can ever understand him. Wish we had a dentist was in the house to interpret.