@DaddysinCharge: Every time we take our dog to obedience school I can't help but think about everything that we did wrong when we were training our kids.
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@StcyBnsn: You know what bothers me? When people assume you're homeless cause you're asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
@RocketRankoon: I trick people that I know Spanish by quoting fragments of Spanish songs I know, la bamba.
@pharmasean: Beethoven: hey everybody, this next song’s called "Für Elise” Elise: omg, we broke up 6 months ago, get over urslf B: SHUT UP ELISE I LUV U
@kelkulus: Rather than buy a gun, I've been studying "Home Alone" and now defend my home with marbles and old gangster movies.