@DaddysinCharge: Every time we take our dog to obedience school I can't help but think about everything that we did wrong when we were training our kids.
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@KenJennings: If you ever want to be bummed all day, think about how Jordan's national carrier is called "Royal Jordanian Airways" instead of "Air Jordan"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Waking up in 2016: [immediately makes coffee] Waking up in 2017: [immediately checks to see if WW3 has started]
@ElliotHetherton: Me: I got mugged today Friend: you should tell the police [later] Sting: there is literally nothing I can do to help you