@YouWillGo2Hell: Every time you do a shot of tequila, an angel hi-fives a fairy and they agree to meet later to kick you in the head while you're sleeping.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'.
@miilkkk: Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk...