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@Baz_3000: Every time you make a typo
the errorists win.
@LoveNLunchmeat: When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
@david8hughes: My grandfather was so racist he had a white & white television set.
@JohnLyonTweets: [nearing end of first date]
Me: I'll give you a call later, OK?
Her: *throws phone in river* I lost my phone.
@ddsmidt: I imagine if I had a job doing manual labor, I'd be in great shape.
Then I do 15 minutes of manual labor and reality comes back into focus.
@slimmy_shady: If you can read this, you're standing too close to my iPhone!