@Michael_Erhart: Every time you push the potato button on your microwave, a potato appears in someone else's microwave.
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@Black__Elvis: Damn, baby got back. And front. And sides. Baby three-dimensional. This is a real baby.
@Parentpains: Name your child autocorrect, because eventually they'll just finish your sentences and correct you every chance they get too.
@howe007: Interviewer: Why do you want this job? Me: I've always been passionate about being able to afford food
@ANastyGorilla: My brother's so homophobic that if he dropped his keys in San Francisco he'd kick them to Oakland before bending over to pick them up.