@Michael_Erhart: Every time you push the potato button on your microwave, a potato appears in someone else's microwave.
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@WAYNES_O: When the mosquito landed on my face, it was one of the easier decisions of the day for my wife.
@longwall26: May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
@LeonEarlgrey: The guy who created Virgin airlines probably didnt go to high school otherwise he would have called it "shes probably lying airlines".
@Bagyants: When a computer program says "Not Responding" I start texting it stuff like "Who are you with?" and "Just heard our song"