@Michael_Erhart: Every time you push the potato button on your microwave, a potato appears in someone else's microwave.
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@INDlAN_: [describing robbers to sketch artist] Make his ears more lethargic. That’s better, now flare his nostrils like he’s excited about a sale.
@iAmDelFreaky: Doc: Let's check your reflexes. Me: I have the reflexes of a cat. Doc: *hits my knee with a hammer* Me: MEOW! *scratches Doc's eyes out*
@MariyaAlexander: I could never be an actress because I don't want kids and would never be able to say "but my favorite role is being a mom" at award shows.