@TheTweetOfGod: Every time you sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" I'm reminded how much I disapprove of My son's friends.
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@rickolantern: [courtroom, on witness stand] Prosecuting attny: If you think she's poisoning you, why did you eat it? Me: It was pizza [jury nods, murmurs]
@AntozWolf: Look son, every man is nervous the first time. Just take a deep breath, walk up to her, look her in the eye and ask her for directions.
@iGreenMonk: I just hate when these girls take selfies on road specially when i am peeing in the background.