@TheTweetOfGod: Every time you sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" I'm reminded how much I disapprove of My son's friends.
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@KeetPotato: [on date] girl: "id like to if i met mr right, how bout you? have you ever been married" henry the eighth: "our food sure is taking a while"
@bobvulfov: (getting into a hot tub full of people) i guess we're making some people soup huh gang
@matt___nelson: "If anyone knows a reason why these two should not marry, speak n-" SHE ONCE COMMENTED 'FIRST' ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO *ring bearer vomits*
@smilely_gal: 5 missed calls from my mom. Frantically called her back, expecting tragedy; nope, wallets are on sale at Kohl's.