@NicestHippo: [college ad] High schoolers: You've sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time at enormous cost to you?

@Lovestained555: If you put healing crystals in a sock and beat someone with it do they cancel each other out?

@Gennefer: I like the idea of almond milk, but then I can't get the image out of my head of someone milking a nut.

@jazmasta: "Ugh! Dave is coming to dinner" "Wait, Dave Jones or Dave who impersonates police cars?" [long silence] [hears faint sirens in the distance]

@CynthiaJEllis: News: Ireland has now legalized ecstasy, meth, and mushrooms due to an unexpected legal loophole. In other news: I have a plane to catch.