@LurkAtHomeMom: Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.
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@KalvinMacleod: My wife made me pack my own bag for vacation and now I have to figure out how to wear potato chips.
@ComedyAndTruth: Hello it's 911, what's your emergency?" "Two boys are fighting over me" What is the problem with it? "The ugly one is winning."
@TheRolo: And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... Barista: Sir your Caffè Mocha is ready. Me: Oh ok nevermind.
@theevilwriter: HR says that we are no longer able to say to anyone "if ignorance is bliss you must be such a happy person" even if we smile as we say it.