@LurkAtHomeMom: Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.
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@mexinonblonde: "Quit mowing your lawn you heathen and go to church!" -Me as I put in earplugs and go back to bed on a Sunday morning.
@AndyAsAdjective: [checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day
@MarlonBrandNO: I stuffed my mom last night. I know you're thinking I have an Oedipus complex and that's gross but jokes on you I'm a taxidermist