@LurkAtHomeMom: Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.
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@rickolantern: My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks
@3sunzzz: This chicken is so moist, what is your secret? I squeeze a little KY Jelly into its cavity before heating.
@ahoytheboat: i wear my ninja turtles costume on all of my first dates just to weed out the weirdos.
@JennyPentland: 10yo: When in doubt, albatrout. Me: What the hell is albatrout? That's not real. 10yo: Now you're in doubt! Me: But… 10yo: ALBATROUT