@GingerGander: Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.
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@NYC_Blonde: If someone specifies that you're book-smart and not street-smart or street-smart but not book-smart, they're calling you stupid.
@NicestHippo: [getting fired from NASA] Is it because I kept saying "Technically we're already in space?"
@EmilyFreestone1: *boyfriend and girlfriend in shower* Girl: do bad things to me babe Boy: *flicks shampoo in her eyes and trips her over*