@GingerGander: Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@writerPT: Coworker: You look tired. Did you not get enough sleep last night? Me: Nope. Slept great! But thanks for telling me I look like shit.
@girl_a_whirl: Salesperson: What a cute service dog! How does he help you? Me: Pete, purse! *Pete pees on Louis Vuitton Me: I'll take it for 50% off
@GodfreyElfwick: I suggest now is the time to send ISIS some *very* strongly worded emails - then hit them with the biggest petition they've ever seen.