@GingerGander: Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.
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@TheMichaelRock: Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
@ipalatsky: - You got so drunk last night, you were dancing on the table in your underwear!! - Me? In my underwear? You must have left early.
@Reverend_Scott: REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU