@robfee: Everybody at this intervention is telling me I have a drug problem but I'm not the one with a melting eagle face & gyrating serpent arms.
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@green_eyed_doll: It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
@AlanHungover: No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don't Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
@TheSadnesses: if I am elected governor I will eat your pillow while you sleep and unlike my opponent I will also do it if I am not elected
@briancthayer: Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you.