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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: "Everybody freeze!"
@Schmoodles: I've just turned a mortgage payment into wine.
Your move, Jesus.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [Struts in lookin fly as heck in my speedo, shower cap and armfull of baby dolls
struts out with new understanding of the term baby shower]
@david8hughes: [Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper]
"Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"
@iwearaonesie: me *sees wife's cheesecake*
future me [sent here to warn me what would happen if I ate it] *knocks on the front door*
me *already eating it*
@Token_Geezer: Before twitter I would walk into a room and forget what I went in there for. nnNow, I don't even walk into the right room