@david8hughes: Everybody mad at me like it's common knowledge to wait til after the eulogy before you start clapping. Sorry I didn't go to funeral college.
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@StevieKnip: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy
@RandomRamblr: Boss: You need to work on your puncuality. Me: Sorry, but commas, are hard, to place. Boss: ....?
@HatfieldAnne: I'm no longer allowed to keep my car window open at stop lights because of my genius for accurately describing pedestrians.