@david8hughes: Everybody mad at me like it's common knowledge to wait til after the eulogy before you start clapping. Sorry I didn't go to funeral college.
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@mynameisntdave: People who carry their dogs around, You know they can walk, right? Theyre real good at it. It's like one of the top known things about dogs
@Stabby_smurf: If procrastinating were an Olympic sport, I would show up just in time to miss the medal ceremony.
@TitansHomer: MTV stopped having their "Unplugged" specials because the shitty artists we have now can't play any instruments.