@BellesJar: Everybody thinks Australians are laid back until one of us is standing over you with a chainsaw asking you to pronounce Aluminium correctly.
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@Marlebean: If insanity is repeating the same action expecting a different outcome, should I just wait til my kids are in college to clean the house?
@adult_keverage: Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom.
@KeetPotato: [talking to my guide dog] this better be the hospital this time and not wimbledon again [from a nearby speaker] "FIFTEEN-LOVE"