@BellesJar: Everybody thinks Australians are laid back until one of us is standing over you with a chainsaw asking you to pronounce Aluminium correctly.
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@GrantTanaka: As I waved my gun in their faces, I thought to myself "What kinda weird bank has children, clowns, presents, & balloons all over the place?"
@Cali_Kid_Mike: If you want a waitress to leave you alone for a half hour, tell her you need 5 more minutes to order.
@LaziestCanine: [teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] "Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME
@beefman138: Dear people filming disasters : You need to zoom out before running for your lives. Nobody likes blurry footage, you selfish animals.