@BLoveAffair: Everybody wants to be wanted, except maybe fugitives.
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@andylassner: The Samsung Galaxy is a cool phone if you don't mind carrying around a 42" screen.
@Donna_Gallers: Avoid the horror of watching your children’s nativity this year by using a condom approximately six years before you have to attend.
@david8hughes: [first day as furniture salesman] Guy [inspecting bed]: nice, solid frame. Who makes it? Me: you or your wife. Whoever gets up last really
@RorynotRoy: It's annoying how mirrors are always all like, "Hey, c'mere. I wanna show you something gross about you."