@IGotsSmarts: Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that's big enough.
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@Elizasoul80: My child: Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Me: "That's impossible, they're all running for president right now."
@tastefactory: *picks up bug, puts it outside* There ya go. *later, bug smashes thru door carrying gun* You should have killed me when you had the chance
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years.