@IGotsSmarts: Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that's big enough.
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@markydoodoo: Swiss cheese is cheating cheese cause there's holes where there could be more cheese stay woke.
@casual_koala: Don't get upset if you hit a lot of red lights on your way to work. You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
@JohnLyonTweets: I spend a lot of time contemplating the mysteries of life, like why the wall the natives built to keep Kong out had a Kong-sized door in it.
@slyoung5: Good news: He told me I was his penguin. Bad news: Penguins only have sex once a year.