@IGotsSmarts: Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that's big enough.
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@BonaFideIntent: Me: LARGE FRY! McDonald's Manager: Ma'am, you can't use the drive-thru riding a stick pony. Please leave NOW Me: I WILL CUT YOU! *sirens*
@mishakey: I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
@TheSadnesses: [first date] “So… you didn’t mention that you’re trapped in 230 million year old amber.” [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]