@TheCatWhisprer: Everybody was Feng Shui fighting, those cats improved my ambient lighting.
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@wolfpupy: first you light 100 candles, then you fall asleep. this 'burn your house down' spell works every time
@J0hnnyBlaze: When people with bible quotes in their bio follow me...I don't know man. I think you're gonna have a bad time
@ddsmidt: A lady posted her grandmother's brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook
@ShittyComedian: Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, "Did you bring the lube?" As loud as possible.