@TheCatWhisprer: Everybody was Feng Shui fighting, those cats improved my ambient lighting.
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@KoKeniSasquatch: Teenagers. Can't live with them. Can't get rid of them without bringing the cops around.
@Howiesbookclub: "Daddy, are we poor?" Compared to the vast majority of humans on earth? No. "Compared to my friends?" Oh yes, sweety. As the very dirt.
@KindOfASmartass: If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?