@shutupmikeginn: Everyday I walk to work by a Ferrari dealership, put my nose against the etched glass window and say, "someday I'll own a window this nice."
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@hipchkk: Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.
@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]
@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to have candles on his birthday cake...Wtf are you wishing for? All your dreams came true when you met me.