@filmbizpro: "Everyday I'm shoveling" - Canadians Theme Song.
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@robdelaney: My uncle was found dead in his office last night by cleaning staff. I'm glad because he wore Crocs to my wedding in 2006.
@XplodingUnicorn: [breaking up yet another fight] Me: Why do you always fight with your sisters? 6-year-old: Because I always win.
@shahnischmani: Sometimes I feel awkward cause I don't quite know what to do with all my limbs, but then I imagine if I was an octopus and I feel better.
@ClichedOut: [introducing date] Me: This is Linda, my date. Her: You mean Lisa. Me: This is Linda, my Lisa.