@HallpassCanada: Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you're standing outside watching your house burn.
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@hazelmotes1: Mom: *tastefully decorates house* Kid: HERE ARE 20 MILK CARTONS I TAPED TOGETHER TO MAKE A SNOWMAN I EXPECT THIS TO BE PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED
@girlontapas: That awkward moment when he asks you if you're mad and you assure him that you're very happy and he says... "No, I meant, you seem crazy."
@iamspacegirl: *brain waking up* oh god please not again I can't keep existing in this reality *brain 20 minutes later* 1000000 chameleons is a chamillion
@cjwerleman: Vanilla Ice arrested for grand theft. Cops say, "He jumped in the car, slammed on the gas bumper to bumper, the avenue's packed."