@DanDoofus: Everyone complains about the weather but no one ever wants to sacrifice a virgin about it.
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@ArfMeasures: [after my murder] COP: Can u think why anyone would want to kill him? WIFE: Christ yes *starts Power Point presentation* Make yourself comfy
@moooooog35: Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas. Neighbor: Nice. I got- Me: I know. I watched you guys open everything.
@desi_princess: No thanks officer. I don't even give strange men my phone number, and you're asking for my license and registration.