@SaveItForFest: Everyone hates their job until someone brings cupcakes in.
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@jergarl: I walked out naked one time and she's like wtf. And I'm like this is how god made me! And she's like no that's how beer and tacos made you.
@PS_IRuddYou: If the stick figure people started committing more crimes... I could be a legendary sketch artist for the FBI.
@trims_the_fat: I put winks at the end of texts to add a confusing air of creepy. "Making breakfast. ;)" "Walking the dog. ;)" "Broke in to your house ;)"
@protolalia: If I were Jesus I would be seriously spooked by all the buildings with giant crosses.