@electrolemon: everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CoopSoSarc: I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck. My wife still came home. Superstitions are stupid.
@IamEnidColeslaw: welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister
@madeleinedoux: Judge: *whispering* pls stop introducing yourself like this just because u work in my chambers it doesn't m- Me: YES HI IM HIS CHAMBERMAID