@just1fool: Everyone is a genius until they try to use their friend's microwave.
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@WilliamAder: There should be a "Life of Pi" TV show, where they throw a different D-list celebrity in a boat with a tiger every week.
@Brampersandon_: Did you really get a crocodile tattooed around your belly button? -IT'S AN ALLIGATOR KAREN. GOD YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT.
@Schmoodles: If I ever have a heart attack, I'm deleting my internet history before I call an ambulance. Better safe than sorry.
@iGreenBabe: When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.