@sbellelauren: "EVERYONE IS ENGAGED BUT YOU" - facebook
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@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.
@trojansauce: [after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*
@ANastyGorilla: My brother's so homophobic that if he dropped his keys in San Francisco he'd kick them to Oakland before bending over to pick them up.
@retniw_nuf: I hate it when I speak French to the homeless guy saying I don't understand English and he replies in French so I have to give him money.