@TravLeBlanc: Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.
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@BackrowSeats: This beautiful woman is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's just falling asleep.
@daemonic3: [superfriends lunch] BATMAN: There's an underwater nuclear threat SUPERMAN: Aquaman, go! AQUAMAN: [stares at watch] Gotta wait 30 minutes
@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.