@TravLeBlanc: Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.
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@ObscureGent: If a gorilla stole my girlfriend and started throwing barrels at a construction site, the last guy I'm gonna call for help is a plumber.
@PhilJamesson: [Storm into Octopus Boss' office] I want a raise or I quit! [Octopus Boss is almost done camouflaging against the fern] NOT THIS TIME
@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "What are your strengths?" Me: I fall in love easily. "Erm, okay... what are your weaknesses?" Me: Those blue eyes of yours.