@Paul_Eaton1: Everyone knows someone in real life that actually resembles a garden gnome.
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@robfee: The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof
@jokeymcjokeface: Crime would drop to 0% if police uniforms were scary clown costumes. "Put your hands up and state your favorite balloon animal!"
@SCbchbum: If horror movies have taught me anything, it's lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
@sarcasm_inc: Sorry I'm late, guys. SOMEbody.. *gestures at wife* told me this knife fight started at.. *sees everyone holding guns* FANtastic, Ellen