@miilkkk: Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk...
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@daemonic3: U-HAUL, may I help you? "You have any moving boxes?" No all our boxes stay still "Well you better go- wait what?" Stop calling here, Dad
@nbadag: [me as a passenger on the titanic] oh ewww are there olives in this salad? YOU be quiet lillian, i swear this trip cannot possibly get worse
@MissNaughty1801: *approaches man sitting at the bar Me: would you like to dance Him: yeah! Me: that's great because I need to sit down