@miilkkk: Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk...
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@Terdoh: If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about.
@gothicaseas: Always a bridesmaid, never the voice that mysteriously bleeds from the corner of your bedroom wall.
@caliluvgirl77: [introducing myself to new boyfriends parents] "Hi, I usually don't make it this far"
@julie2288: Toddlers are the only life form that can exist entirely on their own snot, one goldfish cracker, and half a chicken nugget a day.