@miilkkk: Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk...
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@Ygrene: Me [from bedroom]: Mommmmm! Mom: What? Why are you yelling Me: Grandma’s trying to pinch my cheeks Mom: Grandma’s dead hon Me: That’s why I’m yelling
@DaddyJew: "Welcome to money management. Have you all paid your $200 entrance fee?" "Yes" "Excellent, never give money to strangers. Class dismissed"
@looktothepickle: Got a cut on my arm, someone on Facebook sent me healing vibes and PRESTO! two weeks later the cut fully healed this is not a joke people