@miilkkk: Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk...
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@Eightinchgoat: The next person to tell me I should quit smoking for New Years is gonna be responsible for me breaking this year's "no murder" resolution.
@JohnFugelsang: There are only 2 things Donald Trump fears: 1) The world discovers he's been lying about being a billionaire, and 2) a strong wind.
@13spencer: A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic.