@slackmistress: Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk.
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@RealCarlHardt: Reminder to any new followers...Ancestry.com is NOT a dating site...lesson learned...like 4 times.
@novicefather: Autocorrect changed "killing spree" to "killing soirée" so bring your finest evening attire because murder can be classy.
@jwoodham: Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders.
@vanluvz1: Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses.