@somewhatalady: "Everyone says they're voting for Clinton or Trump, but I'm voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus."
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@NatBaimel: 17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq
@KatieBurnett: Facebook's great for when you wanna see a picture or a joke you saw on Twitter four years ago
@TitaniumToplass: Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.
@SardonicTart: 10: Mom what's a metaphor? Me: My life is a train wreck. 10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?