@somewhatalady: "Everyone says they're voting for Clinton or Trump, but I'm voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus."
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@Eightinchgoat: Guide to DIY: 1. Double the cost estimate. 2. Double the time it should take. 3. Live with it for 3 months 4. Hire someone to fix it.
@jonnysun: in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times
@avaricious1: How come the only people who can open childproof lids are children? My nephew charges me two vicodin just to open the bottle.
@BarryVonAwesome: Do you know who REALLY gets irony? Skydiving schools. Cuz you gotta drop out to graduate! *releases mic to float down on tiny parachute*