@caliraingirl: Everyone should have that "tester" first twitter account to screw up and learn from... You know, kinda like that first child you have.
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@Parkerlawyer: I don't remember 6th grade science being this hard. But then again, in 6th grade, I wasn't trying to do homework after 3 glasses of wine.
@juliussharpe: SiriusXM is broadcasting NASCAR because there's nothing more exciting than listening to people drive.
@KenJennings: If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?
@kellysdf: I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants.