@elle91: Everyone should own large grizzly bear in case they ever need to defend themselves against one.
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@ourvoyagemusic: I wonder why the ingredients on a snickers wrapper says "May contain almonds." What, is the guy who drops in the almonds a slacker?
@AbrasiveGhost: INTERVIEWER: And why under skills did you put "has dominion over bees"? ME: [covered in bee stings] You can cross that one off
@KalvinMacleod: VILLIAN: all this money is mine BANK TELLER: help us Velcroman, he’s getting away VELCROMAN: *stuck to the floor* who puts carpet in a bank?