@elle91: Everyone should own large grizzly bear in case they ever need to defend themselves against one.
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@OneTrickTofani: *proposes to girlfriend, accidentally dropping the ring in the ocean* "I'll still marry you" No. I'm married to the sea now *dives in*
@Blarebare: The pet groomer didn't appreciate the 10 dollar bill I slid across the table to give my dog the "happy ending".
@Mikecanrant: Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella.
@thedayofthedot: there is nothing wrong with being nice, but there is something wrong with being nice to people.