@Jake_Vig: Everyone sings "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" to their selfies, right guys? Guys?...
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@FuckabillyRex: Sat cross-legged on the floor for 5 minutes and I guess I’ll never walk normally again.
@KrazykurtKurt: When #EgyptAir announced "he's not a terrorist, just an idiot" My ex wife phoned to see if it was me.
@kirkfox: I do not encourage eating cats. But judging by the amount of time they spend licking themselves, I bet they are probably pretty damn tasty.
@david8hughes: [job int] "Under skills u put 'not being afraid of pigeons'." [nervously shifts in chair] "That's right. Why? Do any pigeons work here?"