@Jake_Vig: Everyone sings "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" to their selfies, right guys? Guys?...
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@PerfectPending: Please do not compare your dog problems to parenting. Your dog cannot say your name 3,258 times in a day.
@Darlainky: Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
@KrangTNelson: ME: [brutally murdered by police for no reason] MEDIA: Man Involved in Yesterday's Curfuffle Had Troubling History of Pot Use and Cursing
@vikkaroni: Me: Hello, my name is Vikki and I'm an alcoholic. Operator: Ma'am, this is AAA. Me: I know. I'm an alcoholic and now my car is in a ditch.