@Jake_Vig: Everyone sings "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" to their selfies, right guys? Guys?...
@plethoricjake: As a child whenever I asked my parents to close the closet at night they always said. "Why? Anything that could kill you can open that door"
@Stella1070: I've wrecked my car yet I still weigh the same. This crash diet is for the birds.
@DanKCharnley: he died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish
@AbbeYaar: You haven't seen a woman overreact until you've told a woman she's overreacting.
@YesNoSuper: "Did you ever try my hot salty water?" - Inventor of soup