@ATXBOSS: Everyone suffering from diseases and natural disasters: hang in there, we're liking Facebook posts as fast as we can
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@KeetPotato: technology has now advanced so far i can no longer tell the difference between people using hands-free earphones and people on drugs
@ZackBornstein: Doctor: I'm sorry, but your Dad's in a coma. Teen: Huh? Doctor: He's in airplane mode now. Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!
@SilleVio: I don't like to brag about my cat-like reflexes. That said, could someone please call for help? I got startled and am stuck in a tree.
@ericsshadow: If you had to decide between being fat and rich or poor and skinny, what bridge would you sleep under?
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