@_SingleBabyMama: Everyone thinks it's so funny if my 2yr old rips her dress off at a bday party but if I do it then it's "inappropriate" & "we need to talk."
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@DepecheALAmode: If I owned a bar I would pour myself shots all the time, look in the mirror, wink and say "It's on the house."
@captaincoximus: Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep
@squirrel74wkgn: [leaning against the wall like a cool guy in an 80s music video] Me: *slow nods at pretty girl* Pharmacist: Sir...your suppositories are ready