@AndreaWoo: Everyone who aspired to write the greatest headline ever can give up now.
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@sammyrhodes: Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret.
@panmidwest: mary: excuse me, waiter? i asked you to stop bringing him juice waiter: we did, we’ve only given him water 10 year old jesus: *winks at camera*
@TheDreamGhoul: "you're breaking up with me, here? and now?!" "it's just not working out" *both continue pedaling tandem bicycle in silence*
@HiddenPinky: Hi, I'd like a salamus sandwich, please. "You mean salami?" No, just a single salamus. "People who make Latin jokes are a bunch of ani."