@HomeProbably: Everyone's a genius until faced with an alien coffee maker
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@JesseFernandez: Thank god attorneys let us know they're attorneys "at law" so we don't assume they're attorneys at garlic bread or something.
@wittwitbarista: I just saw a woman push 5 little kids in a shopping cart out of Walmart. I didn't realize that you could get them in bulk now.
@Easy_Tiger__: I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood.
@KalvinMacleod: My kids are starting to ask questions that I don't know the answers to so I'm going to have to trade them in for dumber models.